Heart Go Boing Boing
"In whose reign was it that a woman of rather undistinguished lineage captured the heart
of the Emperor and enjoyed his favor above all the other imperial wives and concubines?"
Let's translate this to modern Japanese.
Let's see, how about...
Fujiwara-san.
Why?
For what reason?
Why, Japanese?
Why do you pick on me for classic literature?
Um...
Er...
Was this too easy for you, Fujiwara-san?
Okay, someone else?
Why?
I attended the speech contest in Miss Olivia's place and got first place,
Blah Blah Blah Blah Easy Peasy
and yet I'm being picked on in the classic literature class
more often than any of my classmates.
I can't understand classic literature.
Fujiwara-san.
Could you help us...
...with classic literature?
Dude, no more classic literature.
Oh, my...
My classmates' eyes are ass holes.
The only person with whom equal communication is possible...
Is Miss Olivia.
Miss Olivia.
Wh-What is it?
That speech contest...
Thanks for doing it in my place.
Miss Olivia...
If you want to talk to me in English, that's no problem.
Er... Washroom.
Hanako, come with me.
That girl's bad news!
What?
What's wrong?
Fujiwara-san!
She might be on to the fact that I can't speak English!
Why is that your first assumption?
She wanted to talk to you in English, didn't she?
She probably thought you were fluent enough to talk to.
No, she was definitely testing me.
Oh, no...
I'm going to get ostracized if people find out.
You wanted people to find out.
This is a good opportunity.
Don't worry, you have me and Kasumi-san.
You're not going to get cast aside.
Are you sure?
I mean, you never had that many friends besides me and Kasumi-san to begin with.
Hey.
Oh my gosh, what's happening?
Miss Olivia speaking English is impossible?
Incredible.
No, when I think about it, I remember plenty of points.
Miss Nomura...
She's in the same club as Miss Olivia.
Time to do some research.
Um, excuse me...
Could it be that Miss Olivia has trouble speaking English?
So this is the Japanese kabedon.
U-Um...
Please...
Don't tell anyone about it.
Oh, my.
For what reason?
For reasons!
Huh?
What's happening?
This thrill in my heart...
Shock... suspense...
I might be opening a new door.
Could you please promise me?
I can.
But in exchange, let's go on a date.
B-But...
Don't worry about it, if you don't want to.
Never mind.
I'll just tell everyone about Miss Olivia's English.
Um, er, well...
Uh...
A-All righ—
Nuh-uh.
I already have her booked.
Sorry, Fujiwara-san.
Aozora-san...
Let's go.
Must I spend my life
stricken with grief, with never a chance of relief for my heart?
The shock awakens her talent in classic literature.
Um, I'm okay now.
Thanks for helping me.
I just happened to pass by, so...
You're bad at negotiating.
I almost started laughing.
But that makes you interesting.
I like that about you.
R-Right...
Bye-bye.
I think I'll keep the thing about English a secret so that
I have an item to negotiate with for when I ask Miss Nomura out on a date again.
Asobi Asobase
Hanako's Trial of Shame
So he lent me his novel, but it's so complicated,
I couldn't get through three lines.
There're too many characters.
What was that thing that happened yesterday?
No, but Aozora-san seems like a player.
Maybe she didn't really mean anything by it.
Hanako-san seems like she's got something on her mind, too.
I wonder what's wrong.
This is random, but I want to make the girls say "poo."
How should I make them do it?
I want them to blurt it out when it's totally inappropriate.
How do I make such a situation happen naturally?
This has been weighing on me.
I-I guess everyone's got their woes.
This one's not really thinking about anything.
Wh-What's up?
Let's play a game!
Strawberry Milk
Write some words down.
Lots, guys. Lots.
And fold them up and put them in this box.
Shuffle it up, and now...
Take one each without seeing what it says, and paste it on your head.
Like this?
That's it.
And the rest of us who can read it try to get you to say it.
If you do, you lose.
So it's kind of like Taboo.
I wonder what mine says.
I had them each write ten words, and I'm pretending I chose them at random...
But I wrote "poo" on all ten of mine!
Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo
Too bad, though, they haven't gotten "poo" this time.
Maybe they'll get it on the second round.
It'll be hilarious if they both have "poo" on their heads.
I'm totally going to make them say it!
Poo!
Poo
Kiss Smart
Wh-Who wrote that one?
Let's see...
Let's get Olivia first.
I got the second highest grade in our year last term.
Oh yeah, you did.
You're surprisingly studious, Hanako-san.
I was hooked on looking at cat anuses at the time, though,
so I couldn't study too much.
Even then, I got second place effortlessly.
What's the deal with my head?
You were totally studying your ass off.
I think you have, like, five screws loose in your head, though.
Huh?
Do people think I'm not smart?
Wait, what's wrong?
Did we say something bad?
Okay, Kasumi's my target.
Hey, you do that thing, don't you?
You know...
Do what?
Like, you know, that thing.
I do it, too.
When I say hi to Mom and Dad.
Like...
Smooch.
Olivia, you idiot!
You made Kasumi-san's taboo word so obvious!
No, er, I...
I know you do it.
Your family—
Did you...
Did you see what happened in the hallway?
Kasumi-san...
Tell me...
Oh, shit!
Question for Hanako!
What's brown and...
Poo.
Hanako loses.
How did she know from just that hint?!
Olivia, come with me.
Slam
Ta-da.
It's time for Hanako's emergency Trial of Shame.
The charge: Suspicion of chissing in the hallway.
And our betrayal.
And causing me humiliation.
And probably something else.
There's just more and more!
I-I plead innocent.
Would you still say that after hearing this song?
You climb the stairs to adulthood, but you're still a Cinderella.
Wh-What song is that?
You don't know?
I don't know the rest of the lyrics, either.
Stop it, please.
I want to believe that a girl's friendship is stronger than that.
Nay!
A girl's friendship is as flimsy as a sheet of calligraphy paper drenched in black ink.
Right, Olivia-chan?
You love shoujo manga, don't you?
All those manga you read depict such tenuous friendships
as though they're endearing, don't they?
You love ChokoComi, don't you?
No... There's no one in ChokoComi who would dress up like this
to interrogate her friend just because she went and kissed someone.
You kissed them?!
No way, congrats!
Thanks.
Like that.
They just don't show it in the manga!
This is what they all do behind the scenes!
Behind the scenes? What?
You know, though, it really wasn't the kind of thing you'd be pissed about.
Why not?
Because...
We're in a girls' school.
All right!
I'm sorry!
You're innocent, Kasumi-san.
I'm free?
Sure you are.
Sorry.
I made a mistake.
We're friends, Kasumi-san.
I love you!
A girl's friendship is indestructible!
BFFs!
It's even more shallow now!
You could have told me you were kissing another girl.
It's just an extension of saying hi.
Not a problem at all!
Y-You're right.
Asobi Asobase
Nomura-san, there's something I want you to see.
Wh-What's that?
The truth is, I...
Why did I have such a dream?
Secret of the Dong
Home Economics
Do you have all your materials, everyone?
Okay, you can begin making your hotcakes.
Cooking Practice
What's up?
I wasn't listening to Sensei, so I don't know how to do it.
Same.
Hey, I was listening.
Okay, we'll do it as you tell us.
First, break the eggs.
Pour in 100 ml of milk.
Taisho Yummy Milk
Hotcake Mix
Add in the hotcake mix.
And beat it well with the schl*ng.
Use the schl*ng...
...to beat it well.
Sch—
What the hell, Kasumi-san?!
Why would you stir with such a thing?!
No, I'm sorry, I meant, use the whisk!
Use the wiener!
You're still messed up!
And then what happened?
Oh yeah, my dad went to Okinawa for a business trip.
He brought home this really tasty gift.
What was it?
It was this Okinawan snack.
Chin...
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Dick juice (chinkosu).
Wait, no, dick cheese (chinkasu).
That's not it.
Penis (chinpoko)...
Right, it's chinsukou.
Kasumi-san, are you sure you're okay?
You should go to the nurse's office.
No, I-I'm fine.
What in the world has gotten into me?
It's because I had that weird dream.
I can't get that image out of my head.
I don't want to turn into a pervert.
I have to get that image out of my head somehow.
So... I have to find out.
Hanako-san, Olivia-san...
I need to talk.
What's wrong? You're kind of weird today.
Is there something bothering you?
Yes.
The truth is...
I want to look inside Aozora-san's skirt.
Kasumi-san's turned into a pervert.
Want to go to the hospital?
Although even if you told them you're all better, they might not let you out.
No!
I never knew you were like that.
Wait, wait!
Remember what you said, Olivia-san?
What?
That Aozora-san might be a guy.
Oh, I might have said that.
That was my mistake, though.
Hold on!
What if you weren't mistaken?
Why are you suddenly so suspicious?
Well, uh...
I can't tell them it's because I had a weird dream.
I mean, if that'll make you feel better...
Pastimers Club
Okay, I'll tell you the most common technique for looking up someone's skirt.
That technique is...
To pretend you tripped, and dive into a girl's undies!
If you're talking about the illustration above your head, I'm kind of really confused.
Like, I don't know how you get there.
Okay, well maybe you can't see inside her undies,
but you could do this much, couldn't you?
I-I guess I could do that.
10 minutes later
You should bring some print-outs with you so it doesn't look so deliberate.
Here she comes.
Nomura-san...
Are you okay?
Y-Yes.
I'm sorry. I failed.
Lucky, Kasumi-san, that was really good!
I wish she'd hold me up like that, too.
Did she smell nice?
Olivia's sounding like a geezer.
It's kind of hard tripping on purpose.
And it would hurt, too.
I have a good idea.
Patient in critical condition, coming through!
A few moments earlier
So we're going to speed up really fast in front of Aozora-san,
and then let go by "accident."
This would be the only way Aozora-san can dodge you.
How's that?
You could totally see her panties that way.
You're going to pass by her with her legs spread wide.
Uh, well...
It'll work.
Hanako-san gets good grades, but she's probably a dumbass.
So here I am now, but the only reason I'm being carried like this
is so that I can see if Aozora-san has a c*ck.
Father, Mother, I'm sorry for being born.
There she is.
Aozora-san!
Sorry, move, move!
Just kidding, we're actually speeding up.
It would be most sensible to continue going straight.
But the girls' objective was to charge at Aozora-san,
and so they unthinkingly made a sharp turn.
We're losing balance!
We're tipping over!
Huh?
The ceiling?
What happened?
Where are they?
Amazing.
Absolutely not in a good way.
Nomura-san, are you okay?
Huh?
Y-Yes.
You were going to the nurse's office because you felt sick, weren't you?
Hold on, I'll take you there.
U-Um, I think they're sicker than I am.
Look at their acrobatics.
I'm sure their fine.
But...
Someone, help...
Asobi Asobase
We're in space.
Finally.
We're finally here.
Film Production
Cut!
That's good.
Kasumi-san, is this really safe?
What do you mean?
We aren't going to have technical difficulties
airing this at the cultural festival, are we?
O-Of course not.
Why are we even doing a movie for the Pastimers Club's cultural festival exhibit?
And why did it have to be sci-fi?
We could have done romance or mystery or whatever else.
I-I saw Star Trek.
That's the only reason we're doing sci-fi?!
Are you sure you know enough about it?!
It's fine.
I learned that all you need to do to look like
an alien is to stand expressionless with a bowl cut.
That's what you got out of Star Trek?!
Olivia-san's a sexy alien spy.
O-Okay.
Olivia, hang on, are you wearing pads?
They aren't big ones.
No fair!
By the way, I'd like the spy's actress to decide her fate.
How would you like to perish?
She says it like I have an option, but I'm dying either way, aren't I?
Okay, here we go.
Start!
I-I am sexy spy.
Okay, that was excellent!
The spy just introduced herself as a spy.
Okay, next, a serious stare-down scene.
Start.
What?
Sexy spy, you say?
Just once...
Hanako-san!
No blinking!
Kasumi-san...
I can't!
I can't stare for a whole minute!
This scene is a whole minute of staring.
I'm counting on you.
Start.
Sexy spy, you say?
Scary, scary, scary!
All right, cut!
Haah, haah, haah...
Oh yeah, don't you think it's kind of boring not having a spaceship in a sci-fi movie?
Th-That's true.
How about a cardboard box that says "spaceship" on it?
Spaceship
Dude, that's just a cardboard box that says "spaceship" on it.
It'll look convincing if you hold a lever thing and shout "skadoosh."
You're making a complete mockery of sci-fi!
Sorry I'm late, guys.
How's the movie coming?
Sci-fi's harder than we thought, Sensei.
Sci-fi?
You're the Pastimers Club, so why don't you have some pastime props?
Sensei...
Are you mocking sci-fi?
I'm sorry.
You're standing in front of the biggest mocker, Sensei.
It's fine.
But I think you should take the opportunity to advertise the club.
That's true.
We should show them that we're doing proper club stuff,
or they're going to start telling us to vacate the room again.
How about this, then?
Help me!
You have no escape from the high-tech restraint of the Skippy-Ropey.
And with this enhanced interrogation tool,
I shall make you confess all of your spy activities.
Th-That's...
The most advanced interrogation tool in the universe, the Kewpie-chan!
Oh, no!
That tool is going to blow my mind.
It's going to do things to me.
It is truly mind-blowing.
I tried it on myself, and it wasn't long before my brain went whack.
Honda-san!
I'm pretty sure your brain's already whack
if you're using interrogation tools on yourself!
How's that?
Um...
I-I think it'll be good...
Yeah!
Oh, jeez, she's got such a good smile.
Pastimers Club
Hey, what do you think of this poster I made?
It's perfect!
Could you write "Announcing Anime Season 2!" at the top?
But there's no plans for a season 2.
I want it to look like a huge project.
Announcing Anime Season 2!!
I never knew Kasumi was such a dreamer.
The Tale of Genji Excerpt Translation: Dennis Washburn
Japanese Pastimes, Please
Tag.
Tag
Murderer
A game in which one becomes a demon.
Alien demon
Oni are often arrested for taking their pranks too far.
Unit-01 Oni
Because of the dangers involved, it is banned at school.